Beginning Students
Today I am working with groups of students on stage as they prepare their final scenes. The group that is set to work with me right now has no idea where their scene takes place. They have had the scripts for several weeks, don't know where it takes place and one of them doesn't know what the script is about. What in the world have they been doing for the past 3 weeks? And will they pass their final? Probably not.
Have you ever...
felt like you were spiraling out of control? Or were at the bottom of a deep, dark pit and couldn't claw your way out?
I feel this amazing sadness engulfing me each day. In the last several months I have had 5 days of what I would call truly relaxing happiness. A time where I felt like I could be me and who that "me" was was accepted by the people I was with.
I am tired of spending most of my days feeling like I don't belong, feeling like I can't do anything right, feeling like a failure.
YIKES!
I just had an AP in my classroom to tell me that there is a student in one of my theatre classes who is mentally ill, they are suspecting bi-polar but don't know for sure. The mom has been informed that she needs to take the kid to see a doctor, if she doesn't he won't be allowed back on campus.
Now, here is the yikes part...he says he has two sides in him, "good X" and "angry X". The "angry X" is telling him to hurt me. This is why he has ran out of my room on various occasions. Normally it is during a rehearsal day and him walking away from me isn't case for referral. A week ago he did it during a class activity, so I wrote him up.
I got an email from his counselor telling me he was having "emotional" issues and if he wasn't in my class he was either with her or the school psyc. The AP talked to the two women about the issue and asked if I had been told what was going on. They told him no. He doesn't know why they were choosing not to tell me, but he thought I should know and told me he is going to do everything to make sure I was safe and felt it best that I know what was going on. Apparently so far "good X" has been able to control "angry X", but it is getting harder, which is why he bolts from my room. The AP says as far as they can tell he doesn't know why I am the target.
I know this is rambling, I'm a bit shaken. And obviously needed to get it off my chest.
Ex-Wives Should be Shot
Okay, not all, but a goodly portion of them.
M's ex-wife has ruined yet another holiday/vacation for us. She took so long in getting back to M about the dates he would have B for the Christmas break that we can no longer afford the plane tickets. They went up by almost $500. Her comment, she has no control over the airlines. How about you give us a timely answer since we have no control over the airlines.
This woman is such a piece of work. You can't say anything nice, she'll twist it; you can't do anything nice, she'll twist that too; you can't ask a question, you're changing the subject if you do that. I really don't know how she gets along in life. She thinks everything revolves around her. (one of the many reasons I refer to her as "Planet D").
She has ruined many vacations, she has ruined the relationship between B and M, she has ruined any hope of a relationship between me and B. She thrives on the negativity.
What's worse is that it is really getting to me. I don't want it to. I want to be happy. Most people say nice things about me, either they are telling lies or I'm a genuinely nice person. But dealing with the woman and her chaos is turning me into someone I don't want to be. I try to make the choice to not let it, but it is SO hard.
So, new commitment, focus on me! Focus on what makes me happy! If I am happy I will be able to make those around me happy. If I am frustrated and angry all the time I only make those around me frustrated and unhappy.
I make the commitment to (try) not to let D and her negativity get to me.
Lesson Plans
I am tired of spending my entire prep period looking for ideas on what to teach. I have never taught this level before, have never read most of the literature and now spend most of my time stressing of how to make British Lit interesting for American teenagers.
My department chair is a wonderful woman and does a great job with seniors. But her style of teaching is very confusing to me. We meet on a fairly regular basis and I am still completely lost. It seems our meetings are always a week behind where I feel I am. Her lessons are very free flow, for example, the kids drew pictures of the characters in Canterbury Tales and then did resumes for them. I can see where this is a great lead in to doing their career research project and doing a resume, but it doesn't tell me what I should be teaching about the Canterbury Tales or Chaucer. I need more of an anchor.
So, I am pretty much giving up on Canterbury Tales and moving on to Beowulf. Although I have no ideas there either. I am again spending hours and hours of time researching what I should be teaching. I should have kept sophomores. At least there I had a clue, here I have no idea.
Are you kidding me...
I have another cold. It seems like I just got over the last one. Damn little petre dishes.
Rehearsal
My days are comprised of many, many rehearsals right now. I love rehearsal. I love the process of creating theatre. Creating a new world and bringing characters to live. Now, I just wish my students loved it as much as I do.
The problem I am encountering right now is that the actors (beginners, advanced and those in the play) don't want to do their "actor" homework. The work where they sit down with their scripts and dig for the gold that creates an interesting, well rounded character. They think that acting is about words, not about life.
It has gotten worse year after year. It is so bad this year that when I was talking to a group of beginning students and was explaining the concept of "being in the moment" of a scene; the moment where the scene is real to the actors and the audience alike, two girls at in the back of the room and were making fun of what I was saying, rolling their eyes and you could tell they weren't buying it and thinking I was stupid. I actually used it as an example, saying that just because they didn't to believe it and sit and roll their eyes and think it's stupid, that the ones who take it seriously and do the work are going to be the ones who get the good grades and have the most fun in the class because acting isn't fun, unless you take it all the way. The got the hint and stopped their disrespectful and distracting behavior. We'll see how it goes today when they actually have to start staging their scenes.
I remember a time (boy, now do I feel old) when the students in a theatre class would actually try to make the scenes believable, would want to play improv games and have a good time. Ah, the good ol' days.
